In June of 2019, I posted a viral Amazon review (not mine) for a vibrator called Tracy’s Dog. Shortly after that dog was SELLING OUT. I decided to take one for the team, buy one and try it.
I was peer pressured. Thats my story and I’m sticking to it. I posed my 2.5 part review on my personal Facebook page. But, every few months or so, I’m mentioned or tagged in a post about it. So I’ve decided to just combine all the Facebook posts into one blog revew. I’m tired of searching “fainting goat” on my timeline.
Sorry cant find the review, but here’s a link to it on someone else page on Facebook. The toy is nicknamed “The fainting goat” because apparantly it makes you come so hard, your legs are standing straight up in the air, like a goat when it faints.
Why I decided to try the toy after that, I willl never know. My friend’s toy arrived before mine and she said it was amazing, but it did take a bit of adjusting to get it right, but when she got it together.
Okay, I felt like I was onto something. It arrives in the mail.
Some of my thoughts at the time of arrival (taken directly from Facebook)
I’ll try it out this week and post review.Not trying it out at lunch for two reasons
1. Based on the reviews and feedback, Ion know if I’m going to function enough to go back to work.
2. I need that shit to charge FULLY. I’ll be pissed off if I get started and the shit cuts off right as I’m bout to explode. Then I’ll go to work mad and might punch someone on GP. That’s some hard shit to explain to HR.
I both excited and scurred. I’m taking one for the team y’all
That was posted July 8th. July 9th, I gave my first review. CLEARLY, I couldn’t wait. Facebook review from July 9, 2019 posted below.
Vibrator Thoughts Pt. 1 (will review again at later date)
Okay, so I’m being bullied for a review, so I’ll give initial thoughts on what I’ll call “The fainting goat” vibrator. I got it yesterday and I tried it yesterday.I read the directions to see which button was what. Need that shit memorized before putting it on the clit. Okay. So I cleaned it and charged it. Not going to have the power go off mid vibration. Neuxp!
Things I knew before staring
1. You have to adjust it properly to get that fainting goat type of reaction
2. Based on how it works and where it’s placed from a sheer scientific approach (understanding the womans body, nerves, etc) it should have you fainting like a goat.
I was excited, nervous, scared, and curious. I had to get my whole life together, Im talking myself into it like “It’s just a damn vibrator.”
I had to prioritze the night. Dude that’s trying to holla at me called right around the time I was getting ready to prep and I had a decision to make, call him back and go in on myself. I chose the latter, cause the way my track record is, I’d talk to him and be ALL THE WAY OUT the mood. I had a couple glasses of wine that night to loosen myself up (mentally and other). Then I was feeling myself, so took a shower, lined the bed with towels. I damn near turned on some Teddy Pendergrass. “Alexa, Turn off the light.”
Bitches I was finna violate the fuck out of myself.
Grab the vibrator. Shit, I forgot the lube and which button is which. “Alexa, turn on the light.”
Okay, got my shit together and I was ready for real this time.”Alexa, turn off the light”
Vibration on. Suction on! It’s in and I’m ready!
Okay new speed. Another speed. Adjust. Move it up.
At this point I’m playing with my clit trying to get it in and on the suction part.I’m playing with the suction setting, think I accidentally turned it off.
This is now a laborious masturbation and I’m glancing over to my knock off hitachi “massager” and knew by this time I would have come at least twice. I’m playing with myself, adjust this thing, longing for a quick orgasm. Between my dunlap, my fuba, and my lack of stretching ahead of time, I’m like “ya know what…”So I’m toggling with the setting, moving my clit, changing vibration settings. “Oh okay, it’s nice.”Nah, dont like this one””Okay, I can see where this one would be nice. A few more setting and I’m like “Wayment.”It felt nice.Clenched the sheets, moaned a bit, but no gushing orgasm.
Honestly, I think my head was out the game at that point. I was just on determination and kind of over it. And to test that theory, I finished the night with my trusted pink off brand hitachi massager. Yup, my head was out the game cause that’s a guaranteed gusher.I slept good as fuck that night though. And I had dreams of gushing water, and tidal waves (like no lie, I woke up like “uuuum”). So since I know how it should work and I have a friend who also tried it this week and is now addicted to it already (like fah real), then I know I’ll be giving it another try. I know what I need to do different and off the gate. Get that suction on damn near the highest setting, insert at a bit of an angle, get my body in the right position. It’s got to hit all those nerves at the same time right and tight.
So I’ll let you know if I get a fainting goat on attempt number two. Cause apparently my subconscious is ready to float in my own cum, if my dreams are any indication.
Yeah, my first attempt was a bust. Then on July 15th, I posted a second review. And yest it was EVERYTHING I hoped and wished for. Well, except the back I pseduo blew out. Stretch y’all. Here is part 2 of the review from my Facebook page.
Sex Toy Review Part 2: Did I faint like a goat?
Alright guys, here’s my follow up from last weeks try at the sex toy. I wanted to post earlier, but hella busy morning (and afternoon). Last night seemed as good a time as any to try it.
From last weeks fiasco I had a pretty good idea of what I should do different. Angle it differently and change the suction settings. The toy is meant to hit the bundle of nerves on the back of the clit ( g-spot).
Suction Settings. I needed to put the suction device on “fuck this, let me pass out and faint like a goat” speed, basically the highest setting. CHECK!
I am ready to faint like a motherfucking goat!
There was a noticeable difference from last time. Not the fainting goat type orgasm, but much better. I was playing with it and realized, my ass accidentally changed the clit suction setting. So I made sure the clit was where it was supposed to be, tried to get the settings back, at the same time adjusting the other setting to some hard pulse type thing and then I was….HOLY FUCKOHMYFUCKINGGAWD!!!
Here are some mistakes I made and lessons I took in.
1. I didn’t follow the recommendations and stretch ahead of time.
Lawd, I dont know what the fuck happened, but my back is sore than a motherfucker this morning. Woke up doing yoga stretches to set me back right. Last night, after I managed to gather myself, I looked around like Why am I on the bed like this and when did my ass get in this position? I might not have ended up like a fainting goat, but let me tell you, you will NOT end up in the same position you started. Whether it’s back stetched, legs up like a goat, ion know, but shiiiiiiiiiiiiiii ‘
LESSON – BITCH STRETCH
2. Prepped to have this orgasmic time, I threw a nice fluffly towel down, just in case I drenched, I didn’t want to have to swim out of bed.
I should have put TWO extra fluffly towels down. Cause Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch………
LESSON – BE EXTRA PREPARED FOR THE RIVER OF CUM. Take swim lessons, or put extra towels down. Or fuck it, sleep in another place after.
3. Changing the setting on the suction was key. Watch your fingers so you dont accidentally turn it down.
LESSON – FIGURE OUT THE BUTTONS AND KEEP YOUR FAT STUBBY FINGERS OUT THE WAY
Afterwards when I was able to get myself together, I REALLY wanted a cigarette and a glass of whiskey before falling asleep. But alas I don’t smoke and i had already brushed my teeth for the night. Also note, the device is waterproof for a reason. Good googley moogley.
Conclusion: You may or may not faint like a goat. Settings matter. But when it’s all right, bitch you will cum…A LOT! Will I use it again? Yeah. But legit Fam, I aint ready for all that. I think Im going to stick to my ole trusty massager and pull out the fainting goat on occasion, but not often. Cause SHIT!!!
I did fall asleep and wake up with a smile. And um, I might get one more hit before I retire it for “occasions.”
Yeah, it was all I hoped and dreamed for and more. The lord almost took me out that day. But I was cool, cause I would have gone with a smile on my face (and a kink in my back). So I tried it again, right before going to a conferene in July. Like I said, I needed another hit before retiring it to a special occassion vibator. This is just additional items of note.
So last night I realized I had not been using the toy with the suction on the full setting. Before I head out to RWA, I feel it is my God given duty to warn you ladies – THEY ARE TRYING TO KILL US!!!
Setting 5 or 6, is cumtastic. Orgasms all over. Setting 8or 9 you will faint like a goat, and walk up to Jesus. He’ll send you back down and say “Not now my child.”
If you put it on 10, which I have not because I have things I need to accomplish in life. I have goals and I’m not ready to leave this earth. BUT, if you put the suction on 10, while the vibrator is going,Say Goodbye to this earthly realm.Get your will together, make peace, and die with a smile on your face.I repeat TRACEYSDOG, the fainting goat sex toy, IS TRYING TO TAKE OUT ALL WOMEN!
Death by orgasm. Use at your own risk.
Yeah, I dont know who hurt Tracy. But when she made Tracy’s Dog, she was at the “fuck it and fuck them” portion of enough of men’s shit. Tracy is DONE with men. Hell, Tracy might be done with this earthly realm as Tracy’s Dog is a time portal to another dimension.
Tracy, I dont know who hurt you, but thank you.
Until next time…Be Free, Be Safe, Be Loved,