A couple of months ago, I had a dire emergency.
My tried and trusted wand “massager” stopped working. And it picked the absolute wrong time to stop.
Pissed and frustrated, I got out of bed and started looking for a replacement. At the time, I was low on funds and wasn’t supposed to spend any money until payday.
Now, let’s be clear. We all know I have Tracy’s Dog, but she wasn’t charged and I wasnt ready to blow my own back out. Wanted a tried and true – low and slow, replacement.
Wanted is a bit of an understatement. NEEDED. I needed a replacement. STAT. This was an EMERGENCY. And as far as not spending money, emergencies don’t count. The search was on. . .
I headed for Amazon to check if they had same day delivery for a replacement vibrator. Having heard about The Rose, this seemed like the perfect opportunity to check it out. Yes, this can be categorized under “TikTok made me do it.” To my credit, it’s the only thing Tiktok made me do…as of today. But again, this was an emergency. It was the perfect time to try it.
Note: I believe the original rose vibrator is called RoseToy. But there are a bunch of rose shaped suctioning vibrators, which do the same thing. When I say The Rose, I’m speaking generically of any vibrating, suctioning rose shaped adult toy.
Not only did I find one that was on sale, it came with a coupon to get a wand FOR FREE. God had truly smiled down on me that day.
Unfortunately, this great deal was not for the same day. Frugal me told restless me to hold on for two days.
Once I received it, I unpacked the box. It came with a nice carry/protective bag for it. I glanced at the directions, then cleaned and charged it.
After it was charged…fuck the preamble you’re here for the review.
The charger for this was weird. Maybe it’s because I haven’t purchased a sex toy in a while (how often do normal people buy them?). Maybe it’s because I don’t have a variety of sex toys. But I’m used to a charger port at the bottom of the toy that you plug in. This one has a magnetized charger on the side. The charger plug is two magnetic prongs that attach onto the dots on the side of the rose. Weird (to me), but it does stay on. Because you have to sit it a certain way for the charger to stay on (it needs to be up obviously), I find that a bit inconvenient. I don’t know if all roses are made this way, but I would prefer a normal plug in the button and be done with it, versus a magnetic plug on the side.
So docked points for this.
Obviously it looks like a rose. The bud is where all the action happens. The speeds are on the side. The one I ordered came with an additional “massager” attached to it. It can be used for additional stimulation to insert inside you or even on another part of your vulva. You can vibrate just the rose, just the additional massager, or BOTH. But not me, I’m trying to live. I have things to do in this life. If previous sex toy attempts have taught me anything, it’s that you should try one at a time, not both.
Anywho, the additional attachment vibrator is not needed. Because….
Now onto the important part. Did I break my back? Did I cum? Do I recommend it?
Well in short – yes to all with caveats.
The rose is shaped like a Rose and inside the “bud” of the rose is a suctioning vibrating cup. It has several speeds. ALWAYS START ON THE LOWEST SPEED.
It was easy to position my clit on the rose bud and it felt AH-MAZING. A nice slow tingle through my body, climbing up to reach the crescendo and gliding down into the waters of orgasmic bliss. And I do mean…waters. Afterwards, I snuggled into the strong loving arms of the sandman who carried me away to the land of slumber.
I woke up sometime in the middle of the night because I rolled over my vibrator. It was in a weird place and was poking me. But that’s par for the course. I needed to pee anyway.
Moving on, let’s talk about the negative…
WARNING WARNING WARNING
Fast forward several weeks later. I pull out my rose and decide “I should kick it up a few speeds”
I put it on four, put my fingers on it and went “Yeah. That’ll do. Feels good.”
Then I put it on my clit.
In five seconds flat, I moaned, shook, and gushed.
We are talking about TLC level Waterfalls.
Like, I didn’t even get to enjoy it. It was just a buzz and then I came. I felt like one of those dudes who gets the tip in and starts shaking, moaning “Oh shit,” and then cums.
I felt so disrespected. I was disgusted at myself.
I washed off The Rose, put a towel down over the wet spot, and packed that bitch in the drawer.
I ain’t never came so quick and hard in my whole life. Fucked up part – I didnt get to enjoy any of it. It just happened so fast.
Nah, that rose is going in the drawer. I shall be whipping out the old faithful magic wand in the foreseeable future.
Just like a dude who does the same thing (cums too quick), I won’t be answering the calls.
So is The Rose worth it? Yeah.
But, don’t get over zealous like I did. Start at one and if you must, GRADUALLY go up. Don’t just go to bed one night feeling like an O.G. and set it to four.
It WILL bust you down.
I got humbled by a damn rose.
Note: the exact one I bought is no longer on Amazon, but as long as its a rose that sucks, vibrates, and has different speeds – this review still stands
It’s like my fairy godmother knew I needed to cum, put the vibrators up on the ‘Zon, marked them on heavy discount, and then after I bought them – they went away.
Thanks fairy godmother. I am truly God’s favorite.
Until next time…Be Free, Be Safe, Be Loved,