First it was Kama Sutra and now Tantra seems to be the latest “sex technique” craze. Actually there are several ancient texts on sex. The Ananga Ranga, Tantra, Kama Sutra, and many others. Those are just the ones I’ve discovered while researching. I will discover more as I continue to research sex…um er uh…for my writing. And whatever I learn, you learn.
Kama Sutra Though I had heard of it a while ago I didn’t learn about it until my mid-twenties. That’s when I actually bought a book. Then one day I was watching the History Channel. They were doing one of the “History of Sex” and “Culture of Sex” series. Actually I liked it so much I bought the DVD set. Yeap I’m a sex nerd. Again…for my writing. You know…research. I’m dedicated.
Kama Sutra is nothing but a shit load of positions that require only the most trained in yoga to accomplish all of them. Why the hell people are so infatuated with a book written by folks who have NEVER had sex, I will never know. I mean its fun to try. Add a little spice to your sex life. Give you ideas. But I wouldn’t praise it as the end all be all. It is just positions people. And some are not that attainable. Maybe for dancers and gymnasts. Yeah if I have a little girl I’m putting her in dance class early and she is staying there until she leaves from under my roof. That’s right, if your 30 and still living at home, you’re in dance. Of course, if you have the flexibility of a dancer, you probably wont still be at home. See. Two birds. One stone.
“But mommy I don’t want to go to dance.”
“Trust me baby. You will thank me for it later.”
Yeah I too have fallen into this Kama Sutra craze. I have purchased books for friends (makes a great bridal shower gift). I even have a couple of Kama Sutra books on my sex bookcase. Yes I have a sex bookcase. Doesn’t everyone? Don’t worry it’s not in the same room as my sex closet. The sex bookcase is pure “research.”
Have I tried any of the kama sutra positions? Yes. But not on purpose. Once folks go through the book, they will realize that they have done at least a couple of them. Variety is the spice of life. Add a little cayenne to your sex life.
Next there is Tantra. I actually went to a Tantra workshop recently. I didn’t learn anything. All I did was watch a women touch her vagina repeatedly then hum. Awkward. Especially since I was sitting in the front row right in front of her. Yeap. Direct cooter view. It seemed like a good idea at the time. I was all equipped with my pen and paper ready to achieve this ultimate prolonged orgasm. But no, just humming from the vagina – FRONT FREAKING ROW.
WHY LAWD! WHY??
The lesson is when going to a sex class or demo, the second row might be best. You can thank me later.
But seriously I really didn’t learn anything. Why? A long time ago I figured out that breathing and having your mind right is the key to awesome orgasmic sex. You can prolong it, make it slow, make it quick. You just must be fully present. In the moment. In the sex. In yourself and your pleasure and your reactions and your feelings. And before you say anything. No its not selfish. Trust me. You have to do that first before worrying about someone else’s pleasure. It will be great for the both of you. Trust me on this.
The second thing you need to do is breathe. Really breathe. Let each breath mean something. Feel it throughout your body. Every time you inhale your body should come alive. Feel it down to your core. Exhale and the sensations should travel back up your body. Now repeat. Breathe through to the very center of your being.
I taught myself all of this before I even heard the word “Tantra” or any other sacred thing (well except Kama Sutra. Cause folks have been talking about that for a looong time). How did I teach myself. Well easy. I was real dedicated to my pleasure. Nothing like determination!
I was watching HBO’s Real Sex one night and they showed some woman having an orgasm without someone even touching her and I went “damn that’s cool. I want to do that.” And with time and determination, I did. Once I figured that out I was able to apply that to my overall sexual experiences. Plus the Sex Goddess confirmed the whole breathing thing.
Yes I said Sex Goddess. What had happened was….I met with a self proclaimed Sex Goddess and she was an actual sex instructor (Think Real Sex). How we met was COMPLETELY by accident. She was giving away a nightstand on freecycle. Only I would accidentally meet a sex goddess/sex instructor. And no there was no nudity (thank God for small favors). We just talked and shot the breeze. She gave me some books and a few other things. And I walked away knowing a little bit more about the importance of breathing (you know outside of the whole “I need to live” thing).
But back to the sacred texts. Ananga Ranga is a text that focuses on how to switch it up for your partner. Sex with 32 lovers. Non-monotony within monogamy. Yeah that’s what I’m talking about! It gives positions, pleasure points, when to hit them, foreplay, and a few other things. Why the Ananga Ranga never caught on I will never know. Maybe because its focus and purpose is to maintain harmony within marriage. *Gasp* Heaven forbid we latch onto the sacred sex text that KEEPS folks married and prevents infidelity (or so it claims). I must admit I have not tried anything in the Ananga Ranga nor have I sat down to read it thoroughly. I perused it once years ago for an article. Then a few years after that for pleasure. Then more recently for this blog. Has anyone given this a try? Let a me know if it works?
East Indians weren’t the only ones to have this sex and orgasm thing on lock. Nope I have a book on Egyptian erotica. The Romans were so full of debauchery, I just know there is some lost text out there on only God knows what sexual positions and orgasmic lessons. I know they were in the library of Alexandria. I just know it. Damn you Caesar! Damn you fire!
Sex is as old as time. And people have been writing about it, perfecting it, analyzing it, giving tips, and just flat out enjoying it since Adam and Eve. So breathe, be present, shake it like a salt shaker, bend it like a pretzel, slap it up, flip it, rub it down…Oh yes! Do it baby! But whatever you do be safe!
Now before people start jumping down my throat about Tantra being much more than sex. I don’t care. Yes I learned about the chakras, and humming, and all that stuff. But my only interest in it is sexual in nature. I’m talking about a pulsing clit, a dripping vagina, shaking legs, full body explosion, and really anything ultimate orgasm related. The other spiritual stuff…I got Jesus. I’m cool.
[UPDATE – When you know, you grow. I almost took the previous paragraph out, but I thought it was important to keep it in. Sex and spirituality are not an either/or thing or this/that situation. Just cause I rock with Jesus doesn’t mean I can’t be in tune with my energy and spirituality as it relates to sex. Learning about energy isn’t a conflict. Hell anyone who gets a massage understands our tension and energy can be housed in different places. Anyone who felt that the “vibe” of a room was off – that’s energy.
Energy, Spirituality, and Sex. They can be combined as many ancient practices will teach you. Being in tune with the spirit, your body, your energy, the energy – it’s all connected. I think sometimes we have problems with sex because we either wrap it in sin or view it with religious limitations. All of that is why we can’t get out of our head, we don’t experiment, and/or judge others for having sex different than what we’ve been taught based on our tunnel view of what sex should be. Be in tune. Be present. Breathe. Connect. Tap into the spirit. It’s not a conflict, it’s an embrace.
Oh yeah and that Tantra class – in case you were wondering, the teacher was clothed. Still awkward watching her touch her vajayjay for like 40 minutes. IJS, at least be naked. Then it would be like PornHub without the misleading clicks.
So have any of you tried one of these? What have you done to spice up your sex life? If you’re willing to share, let me know.
Until next time…Be Safe, Be Free, Be Loved,