[UPDATE – When I originally started researching and exploring sex practices culturally and historically, I created a blog called Kinky Diva Khronicles. I was known as The Kinky Diva. This is the start of the evolution to becoming The Edusexual. Travel back in time with me and enjoy the inaugural sex-related posting for the blog.]
Well if I’m going to call myself the Kinky Diva, I guess I should define kink. Before we try to define our version of kinky, let’s start off with a basic definition.
Kinky– related to or having/engaging in “unconventional” sexual practices or behavior.
Well who is to say what is conventional. Normal is a subjective definition. I think my “kink” threshold is pretty high. Not to brag, but hey…I’m kinky. I will, however, admit that the more I learn about various fetishes and sexual proclivities, the more stuff I realize I will say No to. I used to think it was only about three things. Now that I know more. My list of “I don’t think so” has grown.
But still what is kinky? A little bondage. For me I think that’s normal. For others…not so much. I think that is because of the mental image we get when we hear word bondage or BDSM.
But lets think about that. Who hasn’t been held down, hands raised above their heads. Immobile. Control completely taken away. See, it doesn’t have to be the excessive leather and chains you see on T.V. And fellas you mean to tell me you never spanked that ass while riding from behind. Or conversely women, you know you’ve had your ass slapped and liked it. So everyone is a little deviant. So then does that make it normal?
What is kinky? Still trying to figure it out. What about if your partner whips out a ball and chain? Or perhaps when your partner wants to pee on you or be peed on? Maybe it is when you put on your catsuit? Role-play? Really all of that (except the pee) seems normal to me. And to be honest because I have known of several people who have done or been peed on. It’s now in the realm of quasi normal to me. I don’t think it’s kinky. Unsanitary – yes. Eeeew – sure. Kinky – no. But that is just my opinion.
How about toys? If you pull out a vibrator during sex, is that kinky? I don’t think so. Go to any adult store or attend any home party and you will see their are a variety of items to included in your partnered sex play. Its not just a solo act anymore.
So what is kinky? What is normal? And who decides that for us. Even societal norms are changing. I watch Lost Girl on Sy Fy (Great show BTW). The lead character is a succubus. She has a relations with men, women, and couples. Is that kinky? I don’t see anything kinky about a little menage action as long as all players involved have discussed it and want it. Let’s face it, normal is changing. Societies obsession with sex is increasing as well as their acceptance of it. Don’t believe me, watch T.V. Notice the difference of what is acceptable nowadays?
Well since this topic of kink is giving me more questions than answers, I have decided to get another opinion. Weighing in on this topic is best-selling author of erotic romance, Yvette Hines.
So Yvette, what is kinky to you?
Hello, KD, this is a great question. Especially since a lot of things in the world are changing and it seems that everyone is becoming more “free” about what they’re are doing in the bedroom, discovering what kink is and even giving readers/women/people a go sign to be okay with having some kink in their life. I’d hate to say, just like you, that in anyway kink has become the new norm, because then what does a person have to do or be allowed done to them in order to step out of their sexual comfort zone. I shudder to think. Lately, in erotic romance you are seeing a lot of authors jumping the boundaries of kink (or normal kink) because they think to even write erotica it has to be “disturblingly shocking”. Truly not so.
I would say to me kink is skirting the edge of what is taboo. Notice I didn’t say extreme, because that is something all together different. I think of kink as anything that you could mention over wine at a girl’s hanging out night. Picture it, you and your girl friends at someone house lounging around the living room drinking something alcoholic, so tongues are loose. One of your girl’s confesses that she had her toes sucked the other night and discovered it turned her own. Another friend says her and her husband have been doing anal and she loves it. While another may feel bold enough to say her and her man talked and both realized they are interested in having a ménage à trois. Finally a girl friend states she likes being tied up or having her nipples pinched really hard during sex.
In any of these situations your girl friends may comment, laugh, give you a high five or be a little shocked and more than one will say “REALLY?” However, they are not going to kick you out the group or start holding it at a secret location without you. Kinky doesn’t make your friends look at you differently. They may give you a raised eyebrow or two, look at you side ways….all while fanning themselves and imagining if they are bold enough to give it a try, too.
My next release plays around in the same arena as this kinky discussion. Everyone is used to me and my Christmas in July BDSM stories. Bound for Christmas takes the kink out of the club and into the bedroom of my characters. Allowing readers to see someone experienced in the lifestyle who simply desires someone in their bedroom who trusts them fully with their pleasures. Amazingly, as you stated earlier, people don’t have an issues with being spanked on the ass during sex, but tying them to the bed and restraining them will send most running out the door.
Thanks Yvette for that weigh in on kink. So let me get this straight, as long as I can talk about what I’ve done with girlfriends – I’m good! Great…..Oh crap! I’m in trouble. Some stuff I’ve done just doesn’t need to be repeated.
Unconventional/conventional. Normal/not normal. Boundaries…blah. Those definitions are subjective. I think that kinky is a willingness to explore things outside of your sexual norm. And according to that definition – I’m kinky.
Readers – what is your definition of kinky? Are you kinky?
I want to give a big thank you to Yvette Hines for giving us her thoughts on kink. Check out her BDSM holiday release (see below) and get more kinky information about her at yvettehines.com.
Until next week…be safe, be free, be loved
Are you ready for some kink? Check out Yvette Hines latest Holiday BDSM erotic romance.
Evan Douglas is going home after ten years in the military to an ill father he has constantly disappointed in the past. The dark passions in his life that he has always been able to trust in before have started to leave him hollow and in need of something more. Turmoil in the house he is expecting, but when he awakened to find the lovely tawny skinned beauty from the plane under the same roof, he refuses to deny that fate has played a hand in placing her in his life permanently. However, there are things about him that Zoey Carleigh doesn’t know. Is he willing to risk letting her into his world when it could possibly cause him to lose her in the end?