I’m no prude. Okay. I know you didn’t think I was. I mean, before evolving to be The Edusuxal, I was known as the Kinky Diva and it had nothing to do with these kinky curls I sport.

I’ve been to strip clubs and seen both men and women. I’ve gone to burlesque shows – basically the classy version of a strip club where women may display other talents in addition to dance. Incidentally, when I go to Burlesque shows it is mainly women in the audience. Go Figure.

I’ve been dry humped by a muscular man clad in only a g-string and lots of baby oil. I’ve watched as men gyrated their bodies nude and partially nude showing me what they would do…if only. I screamed. I threw my dollars. Then I went home. Nothing. It was fun. But I was not turned on. Well, I was not that turned on.

Conversely I’ve seen a few porno’s in my day. And I’m pseudo obsessed with leaked celebrity sex tapes. (Hey, we all have hobbies). But cum shots and private parts everywhere do not make me want to play with myself or get any action going with a partner. With the exception of a few movies (and that was more reflective of my mood before watching it) my nipples, my vagina, my everything were unaffected.

Let me check.

Yeap, still dry.

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying I’m not a visual person and have never been turned on by a movie. Honestly though, they weren’t porn. Unfaithful, The Color of Night, 9 1/2 weeks (which I was good and grown before I realized it was about a dom/sub relationship. Don’t Judge) –those movies were hot. Like change my drawz hot. And Lie with Me…oh yeah! I would fast forward to the good parts just to get it on. Lie with Me is an indie film about sex (translation: a plot and people who have had a least one acting class in their life). I need more than naked bodies and baby oil to be turned on. Okay depending on who the naked bodies are.

I remember seeing Fast Five, which starred Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and Vin Diesel. It was the first Fast movie I’d seen in the franchise. The ONLY reason I saw it was because The Rock was in it.

Talk about change my drawz. I sported a female boner during the fight scene between The Rock and Vin Diesel. Lawd, two muscular beings on screen huffing and puffing, big strong bodies clashing against each other, sweat rolling all down The Rocks face (incidentally he was all fine and sweaty most of the movie). I’m getting wet thinking about all those muscles and sweaty men grabbing and pulling each other.

HOLD ON!

*Panty change break*

Imagine how I was during the movie. I was REAL turned on. Good thing I have an inie and not an outie cause I would have been sporting a MAJOR BONER in the theater. I couldn’t help it. Watching them fight, I imagined them naked in baby oil, dicks slinging. My homo-erotic fantasies were on the screen. Just needed a little more flesh. A little more touch..

AHEM!! 

 *clears throat*

Sorry

Got DICKmatized and DICKstracted

My point is porn doesn’t do much for me. Sure, it’ll do in a crunch, but in general. Nah. It doesn’t matter though. Pornography is a billion dollar industry. One in which markets to it’s target audience – MEN. So, it doesnt matter if I’m turned on or not. I’m not even their target audience.

While I lived in Chicago, I went to the Exxxotica expo. They had a Ladies free day, which I gladly took advantage of. On their website they explained Ladies Free Friday came about because they were trying to attract women to the expo.

Surprise, Surprise!

Of course they needed a free day. That place was a veritable sausage fest. And why wouldn’t it be. The target audience of that conference was men. Not women.

There were women on poles, half booty butt naked women walking around. A dominatrix giving out spankings on the spanking horse. Well. Wait. I almost did that, but I had plans so I  didn’t have time to get spanked. But, I digress. My point. It wasn’t targeted for women. So they needed a ladies night, to pull in women. (cause you know women will come to free stuff).  I have everything those scantly clad women have (actually a whole lot more) and I walk around the house naked all the time, so I see boobies and vagina all day everyday. I was no more turned on by them as I am turned on by myself when I’m walking around naked. Well…that’s partial true. Sometimes I’m REALLY turned on by myself when I’m walking around naked. But that’s a posting for another day.

The expo and the porn industry have a target audience. Men. They are visual fantasies. Fantasies in which an average man can please a woman anytime any where without dialogue, courtship, money, or work…The fantasy that they are hitting the spot all the time. “Oh yeah baby. Oh yeah!” That they will always get the best blow job ever. That they can cum wherever they want. Wherever they want. The fantasy that they can do backdoor entry without conversation, lube, or building up. I got one words for that – OW! This does not discount that many people have porn like sex. Some people have sex without preamble. But I dare say most pizza men just deliver the pizza.

Ding Dong.

“Oh Mr. Pizza Man, However will I pay you?”

*insert porn music*

See. THAT is a fantasy. I’ve had a good looking delivery man come to my door. ONCE! As it turned out he owned the restaurant as well. I got my food and tipped him with money, not a blow job.  Now he did own the restaurant, so in hind sight I probably should have at least tipped him with a hand job….

Oh well! Maybe next time.

And no I didn’t answer the door in see-thru lingerie and finger myself. I got neighbors! AND I was hungry! That’s why I ordered food in the first damn place. Any film that shows anything other than tipping the driver with MONEY and eating your food, is a  fantasy.

Sorry Guys

I hope you didn’t take the job of delivery man hoping for sex. People pay when they order with credit cards now anyway.

In fact, my cable guy regaled me of tales of women answering doors in lingerie. Guess what the guy did.

INSTALLED THE DAMN CABLE!

Mofo’s aint trying to lose their job. Especially not the cable man who got a benefits package. Shiiiiiit now a days getting good health insurance is probably as common as getting a phenomenal blow job (men and women). Not as common as one would hope.

So that cable man was laying wire, not pipe. That is real life.

Porn is fantasy. There is nothing wrong with naked asses and sex on screen. False screams, fake boobs that dont choke people when they lay on their back. Look I got big watermelons for breasts and when I’m flat on my back I choke the hell out of myself or my boobs just part like the red sea and sag into my armpit and sides. Whenever I watch a porn with the women with fake boobs, I’m not turned on I’m envious. “Damn I wonder what that would be like, she’s not even choking.” “Whaaat the boobs aren’t at her sides – WOW!”

Pornography is great. Because Fantasies are great.

Here are some porn stats from The Kinsey Institute

  • Over half of all spending on the Internet is estimated to be related to sex. (Yoder, 2005).
  • US porn revenues have been estimated to exceed the combined revenues of companies like ABC, CBS, and NBC. (Yoder, 2005).
  • Males have been found to make up two thirds of users of sexually explicit Internet sites and account for 77% of on-line time (Cooper, Scherer, Boies, Gordon, 1999).
  • 51% of women reported they never download sexual material (Cooper, Scherer, Boies, Gordon, 1999).

Yeap, porn is for men. Now I dont say this to take away from the ladies that enjoy porn. Hey whatever floats your boat. Nor am I ignoring the directions and production studios that are gearing porn towards women. It is supposed to be more sensitive and romantic. Kudos for taping into something untouched.

BUT

There is an industry that thrives on catering to women’s fantasy.

ROMANCE

It is a billion dollar industry catering to women’s fantasies. (I mean I’m a starving artist, but publishers are making their money).

According to RWA (Romance Writers of America)

  • Romance fiction generated $1.358 billion in sales in 2010.
  • Romance fiction was the largest share of the U.S. consumer market in 2010 at 13.4 percent.
  • Women make up 91 percent of romance book buyers, and men make up 9 percent.

I read romance. LOTS of romance. Not just any romance. Erotic Romance. Sexy Romance. Sensual Romance. I have been reading this type of romance for at least a decade. Whips, Chains, Graphic Sex, Man on Man, Menage a trois (M/W/M and W/M/W), spankings (oooh yeah!), sex integrating food, kisses out of this world, even a man carrying woman over shoulder cave man like (which I’ve written as well as read). Hey it’s a fantasy. Don’t judge.

Those books really turn me on. When I read Delilah Dawson’s Truth or Dare. I couldn’t finish the book. I had to stop, take care of business, then resume reading. Recently I read Dreamweaver by Sapphire Blue. After reading a particularly hot scene, I turned off my kindle and went to bed. I wanted that to be the last thing on my mind before I fell asleep. And man on man did I have some hot dreams that night.

I’m still waiting to make some sweet peaches for that special someone. Every since I read the sweet peach scene in Before the Dawn by Beverly Jenkins I’ve been obsessed (not to mention Ryder Damien is my all time favorite hero. He is HOT!). I could go on an on about great sex scenes and fantasies I’ve read in my many years of reading romance. But I won’t. I dont have that much time.

What I will say is porn and romance are the same things. They target sexual fantasies for women and men. The only difference – The medium. That’s all. Because let me tell you. Having read many of virginal heroines in my life, I can tell in books that shit is a COMPLETLE fantasy. In books their is a slight discomfort and multiple orgasms.

Uh yeah right.

Slight discomfort my ass!!

Multiple Orgasms the first time!

Talk about suspended belief.

Women can go a lifetime without having multiple orgasms. Some dont know what an orgasm is. I know…frightening.

Here are some real life stats for you

Not in my books. 99% of the time they orgasm. The dude can go all night and put in two or three rounds. No one EVER fakes it.

SEXUAL FANTASIES

FANTASIES

I thought I needed to emphasize that.

In real life people are not ready all day everyday having multiple orgasms. In the real world folks got JOBS. People in books dont seem to work and even when they do, they take it to the office.

In the real world office sex will get you FIRED. But not in books. You know why? The hero is damn near always the CEO/Founder. Uh yeah right. Well Cleophus and Junebug will get they asses fired for having sex at work. And so will K.D. and everyone else out there. But this is our fantasy. The rich, the powerful, the domineering. One with sexual prowess and stamina to match.

Oh yeah!

The reality is that shit would get old real quick. Either that or you would be living in a dirty house and poor cause all y’all did was make love.

“Come here woman!”

And they make love several time, everywhere.

So tell me again, how bills get paid? Let’s not even talk about sore, irritated, dry vaginas that may occur from all that damn non-stop love making. But not in books.

FANTASY!

Its more than the fantastic sex all the time. That part of the fantasy is mutal for both men and women. What definies fantastic sex – that is what differes between the genders. For women, the romance industry, it’s the men. They are almost always alphas. They are muscular, tall, rich, powerful, chivalrous, the perfect “this is my woman and I take care of my woman” alpha male. Yeah, well in real life most men aren’t 6’4″. Lord knows I do enough looking to tell you that is not a common height.

What I dont understand is why women have a problem with pornography. You have your sexual fantasies, he has his.

Men’s sexual fantasies tend to be more sexually explicit than women’s; women’s fantasies tend to be more emotional and romantic (Zurbriggen & Yost, 2004).  [Kinsey Institute]

Like I said

Porn for Men

Romance for Women

The problem comes when we confuse fantasy with reality. When we learn to fuck like a porno and expect men to be like in romances. BALANCE is the key.

Like I said earlier, I have some weird thing about celebrity porn. So yes I saw the Ray J and Kim Kardashian video. And let me tell you DISAPPOINTING! If I were grading, based on what I saw.

F in oral

D in fucking

He looks like he learned all his technique from watching pornos.

THIS IS DANGEROUS!

Yeah it sounds all nice and dandy to fuck like a porn star, but I know I dont want no man fucking me like one.

TAKE YOUR DAMN TIME!

 If you go down you betta stay there. Finish your damn meal.


Lick, Lick, Lick, and come back up.

WTF??????

Unless you want to experience the jaws of life clamp down on you (also known as these big ass thighs). DONT START ANYTHING YOU CANT FINISH.

We won’t even talk about the fact that the nerves are in your lips and clit and not at your opening. Why are they sticking their tongue there? Go where the nerves are man!

And ladies, while the generically the qualities men in romance is what we should have, no comprise

Love

Respect

Trust

Honesty

Takes care of his family

The other stuff, I’m going to need you to be a little bit more lenient on.

Rich

Powerful

Tall (like them over 6’2″ men)

Fantasy vs. Real Life

Lord knows I’ve read enough books set in the old west and the current west to want me a real live cowboy. At least ride one.

Don’t judge

If you read what I read you want to do that as well.

My point.

Shit, I forgot. Still thinking about the cowboy. Oh yeah, don’t confuse fantasy with reality. Dont’ confuse men in books with men in real life. Don’t confuse women in porn and sex in porn with sex in real life.

Yeah it’d be nice if I got to ride a cowboy (allergic to horses, so gotta ride the man;) but I’m not singularly focused on that.

BUT

Just because it isn’t real doesn’t mean you can make some fantasies come true.

Fuck like porn star!

Dress like the pizza man, deliver to your woman. And see what she will give you as payment.

Have your man put on some spurs and a cowboy hat and say “Howdy Ma’am”

Whip out the camera and make your own porno!


Pull out your school girl uniform


Make you some sweet peaches (trust me, you gotta read it).


Re-enact a scene from your favorite romance(erotic, sweet, or anything in between)

These are just some suggestions. We’ll be talking about a lot more about sexual fantasies in this series. This is just the introduction. The goal is to have a good healthy sex life.

Sexual fantasies are healthy, occurring most often in people showing the fewest sexual problems and least sexual dissatisfaction. (Leitenberg, 1995).

So ladies, unless it’s an addiction, don’t get upset cause your man watches porn. And men, let your lady be carried away in her fantasies. Then later on, compare notes.

Now that I’ve broken down romance vs. porn and touched on male and female sexual fantasies, we can get to talking about how to make them become reality. Stay tuned for upcoming posts in the Sexual Fantasies series. Next up – Role Playing

Until next time…Be free, Be safe, Be loved

K.D. King