I want to continue our talk about fantasies. But this time, we’re taking them from fiction (tv, movies, books) to your bedroom.
Now before I continue on this topic let me tell you in researching I learned a lot about gender and sexual orientation. When looking up statistics and information on role playing and possible research on the sexual benefits within a relationship, what I found what as lot of articles on the importance of role playing in gender and sexuality. So heads up. Expect a post on sexual identity, orientation, and gender.
Back to our regulary scheduled program
Today we’re making fantasies a reality.
Guys – This does not mean Jenna Jameson is going to come and give you the best fuck of your life. Nor will Karrine Stefans show up at your door and prove once and for all why she is called superhead
Ladies – The Rock, Idris Elba, a Greek Billionaire, Denzel Washington, Chris Hemsworth, Joe Manganiello, or…you get the point. They will not show up at your door. They are not leaving their wives. You are NOT the one. (well more than likely anyway).
You can make your fantasies come true with you and your boo. And they can be your Jenna Jameson, Idris Elba, or whatever fantasy you have.
Maybe you’re Sookie and he’s Alcide (True Blood fans)
Perhaps you’re Karrine and he is Mr. Marcus (It’s a porn, forgot the name)
Olivia and Fitz/Jake (Scandal)
Jon Snow and The Wildling Girl (Game of Thrones)
Bank Teller and Bank Robber
The possibilities are endless.
We all have sexual fantasies. Share them with your partner. Make them a reality. The only way to know it is okay is to talk about it.
I know some people keep their fantasies locked in up in the inner most recesses of their mind. But what good does it do there?
So why keep it to yourself?
Act it out!
Talk about it!
I know some of us have fears. Fear of judgement, fear of being labeled nasty or kinky….Kinky is a good label in my opinion. Hell, so is nasty.
Call Mrs. KD if you’re nasty 😉
But society, our parents, our faith, those old biddies who aren’t even in your bedroom, have taught us that those things aren’t right. That is wrong. That is nasty. We have wrapped them up and took hold of them and now our fantasies are just images that play though the mind, never to be enacted.
LET YOUR FREAK FLAG FLY!
Whatever you do is between you and your partner(s). You don’t know what they will say and agree to until you ask. Helpful Hint – Have a real conversation, don’t just walk in the bedroom with a whip and a strap on and hope your partner is down for whateva!
I know you’ve read a book or watched a movie and imaged yourself the object of affections/desires. Why must your fantasy stop there. Act it out! Bring out your inner Mae West. “Come up and see me sometime.”
To help with our Sexual Fantasies series I have asked Erotic Romance Author, Lena Matthews to talk to us about role-playing. Every since she posted on her Facebook page about playing Olivia and Mr. President (yeah, she shares a lot on Facebook) I just knew, I had to get her as a guest. And she has agreed to talk to us about role-playing. Take it away Lena.
First let me thank K.D. for allowing me to post on her blog. As anyone who is familiar with me knows, there isn’t much about sex that I don’t like or like to talk about. I’m one of the few people in the world who doesn’t have an off switch when it comes to talking about personal things. As far as I’m concerned there is no such thing as TMI. I’ve taken the phrase “Let go, let flow” far too serious. So here is me, letting go and letting flow on a subject I find very interesting.
In my new series, The Key Party, releasing with Loose Id, I write about some adventurous couples who are looking to spice up their lives with a little “help” from their friends. For everyone who isn’t familiar with a Key Party, it was a fad that became popular in the 70’s (the era my stories take place). These were couples only parties where the main purpose was to go home with someone else other than your own partner. The men put their car keys into a bowl or bag and then the women would blindly select a set of keys. Whoever was the owner of the keys was her date for the rest of the evening, if you know what I mean. Now if spicing up your love life sounds interesting, but you don’t want to bump uglies with your neighbors, why not try role-playing?
Role-playing can be a great way to add a dash of adventure to your love life. Whether you’re an old married couple or a new couple just starting out, it’s never too early or too late to add the heat in an exciting and interesting way.
Here are my top five suggestions for making the most out of your walk on the wild side.
1) Talk, Talk, Talk –
The quickest way to fuck up a good time is miscommunication. Talk out the “dos and don’ts” beforehand. No point in having your man thinking you’re trying to bring in your best friend for a wicked three-way and get his hopes all up when all you really want to do is have him pick you up in a bar like you’re a stranger. Also you might not know all the things you might be willing to try but there are probably those things that you have on your absolutely no list. Communication is the gateway to kinky fun. Your man might be dirtier than you thought or hell maybe you are…put everything out in the open and let the fun begin.
2) Accessories –
If you’re going to do it, do it right. What’s the point of playing the naughty schoolgirl if you’re not going to put on the plaid skirt, knee high socks and oxford shoes? What good is a repairman without tight jeans and a tool belt? And if you’re going to get down and dirty let’s not forget the three most important words, toys, toys, toys. That’s right. I’m talking vibrators, nipple clamps and whips, oh my. Naughty School girls need rulers. Slave and Masters need whips. Cops need handcuffs. Have fun with it. The more details you include the better the fantasy will be.
3) Taking it to the streets –
Just because the end game is the bedroom doesn’t mean you have to start it there. Two strangers meeting up for the first time is a great scenario to start at a bar. Make plans to meet at a place neither of you have gone before and have him approach you and try to pick you up. Or maybe you want to be a little old school and find out what Sandy and Danny were doing at the drive-in. Just remember I’m not bailing anyone out. So be dirty but do it on the down low because if you get caught out in the opening at a National Park pretending to be Yogi and Boo Boo I promise you I will treat you like your name is Ethan Hunt and disavow knowing anything about you and your kinky plan.
4) Safe Words –
They’re not just for BDSM play. Keep in mind these are erotic games you are playing and for whatever reason there might be a reason for the games to come to an end. You have a cramp in your leg. You went over a line you didn’t know you had. Little Johnny is standing in the doorway and doesn’t understand why mommy is tied up and there is a strange guy with a ski mask calling mommy a dirty little slut. Sometimes that special word, pigeon or light bulb will call all play to a halt, because remember it’s all fun and games until you’re paying for therapy for the next twenty years.
5) Talk, Talk, Talk –
Yes, I know that we covered this already in number one, but it’s important to have some down time after you’ve had your fun. This is a great way to reconnect with your partner and go over the things you liked, loved, and loathed. Communication is truly the key not only to a healthy relationship but a healthy sex life.
If you love the idea of role playing but need a few suggestions for roles to play check out 101 Nights of Grrreat Sex: Secret Sealed Seductions for Fun-Loving Couples by Lora Corn.
This is a really fun book. There are a hundred sealed fantasies suggestions (50 for her/50 for him) that are for his or her eyes only. The “suggested” way of using it is that once a week you and your significant other are supposed to randomly pick a sealed page and tear it from the book (it’s made for easy access) and open it privately. Next you’re supposed to follow the secret instructions. Part of the fun is you’re supposed to do it sort of randomly so your significant other isn’t expecting it. Just one day he walks in and bam…you’re wrapped in plastic wrap (okay I don’t remember if that was one of them but I kind of think it was).
Pros: I enjoyed the surprise aspect of it and it was nice that it gave my loving but sometimes plan-challenged husband a step-by-step guide to follow.
Con: Some of the “suggestions” are kind of lame and not that daring for us lol, so after one or two times of “meh” picks we got impatient and just opened them all and decided which ones we were going to do.
Overall I think it’s good pick for a couple looking to try something new without over thinking a good thing.
Just remember though, whether you decided to come up with a fantasy on your own or use one from a book or movie, keep in mind that the point of it all is to have fun.
Communication. You see people that word comes up in damn near every blog. I’m going to say it again so you get it. So you understand. It’s a foundational word that will keep coming up. So say it with me people…
This is the key. The key to a healthy relationship, healthy sex life, and to a good and kinky sex life as well.
Thanks Lena for the great tips on role-playing. Anyone who follows her on Facebook knows she is not over-exaggerating when she says she has no off switch.
Until next time…Be Free, Be Safe, Be Loved,