It seems there is always some “new” sex craze or sex technique that is always at least a century old. Just because it’s new to you (or me) doesn’t mean it’s new.

So let’s talk about Karezza. Now I tried discussing this last week, but ended up going on a tangent about why anyone in their right mind would not want to come. But I have finished reading (skimming) and finished(ish) researching and I’m ready to give you The Edusexual breakdown on Karezza.

Karezza was introduced by Alice Bunker Stockholm in the 19th century (see people, not new). She was a Chicago Oby/Gyn (CHI-TOWN IN THE HOUSE). It is a non-religious sacred sex practice. When we think of many of the sacred sex practices they are rooted in Eastern Religion(s). Great for them. I mean they have been having awesome sex for millennium, but what about us other folks? Yay to Alice for bringing the west to eastern sex. Did I mention she is from my hometown Chicago? Just thought I’d throw that out there.

Karezza – Italian word for caress. (I think the actual word is carezza, but you get the point). Oooh! Sounding good already. The idea is not to have an orgasm. No wait. Stay with me people. It gets better. You are probably thinking, like I am, why the fuck would I want to do that? Not only do I want an orgasm. I want more than just one.

But practitioners of Karezza are from a different cloth. They say the sex is better without it. Yes I said BETTER! Alright. I’m peaked now. Who doesn’t want better sex? Even if you are having phenomenal out of this world sex, wouldn’t you want to up the game a little? I know I would.

Already I can think of people who would benefit from withholding orgasms and keeping the love play going. ONE MINUTE MEN! And two minute men, and three pump men, and….you know where I’m going with this. Yeah, I went there. Lets face it, some folks could use a few lessons in holding off on the ejaculation. But I have gotten off topic again.

The practice of karezza was intended for longevity in marriage. In fact Dr. Stockholm’s book was called “Karezza: Ethics of Marriage.” From what I gather it is more like making love. It’s gentle. It’s passionate. It’s not focused on coming, but rather full pleasure and a deep emotional connection. A soul union *Sigh* How sweet. Okay I can get down with Karezza.

Excerpt from Stockholm’s Karezza

There is no limit to the power of true soul union. It specifically increases the gift of healing….As the creative potency of man becomes understood, and this knowledge is applied, men and women will grow in virtue, in love, in power, and will gladly and naturally devote this power to the world’s interests and development.

What about when I’m in the mood for wild monkey sex? Sweat slicked bodies, heaving breathing, gasps for breaths, tremors, pulsing pussy, hard heavy thrusts, a tap, and a spank, flipped over, grabbed hips, tingling, screaming, and body convulsing orgasms. What if I’m in the mood to be nine inch nails fucked like an animal?

Karezza does not fit THAT bill. I would definitely try it to add variety to a routine. But for me sex does not end with orgasm, so um er uh I don’t see why I can’t get off. The guy, yeah I get it. The woman…I guess I understand (no not really I’m just trying to be objective). I totally get staying an orgasm, taking it to the peak and not going over. But not forever.


Stockholm’s words.

During a lengthy period of perfect control, the whole being of each is merged into the other, and an exquisite exaltation experienced. This may be accompanied by a quiet motion, entirely under subordination of the will, so that the thrill of passion for either may not go beyond a pleasurable exchange. Unless procreation is desired, let the final propagative orgasm be entirely avoided.

With abundant time and mutual reciprocity the interchange becomes satisfactory and complete without emission or crisis. In the course of an hour the physical tension subsides, the spiritual exaltation increases, and not uncommonly visions of a transcendent life are seen and consciousness of new powers experienced.

Did this chick say “entirely avoided?”


I’m really trying here. She’s from Chicago. I’m trying to have her back on this. Then she says things like “let the final propagative orgasm be entirely avoided.”



Alice girl. It’s official. You lost me.

Karezza is supposed to be sexually equal. That is, it’s not just about the man withholding but the woman as well. This can be practiced in all forms of couples and relationships. Great! Sexual Equality! Score one for women’s lib.

Now all of us are walking around pissed off orgasm-less.

According to Jim Pfaus, a psychologist at Concordia University

The aftermath of lustful sex is similar to the state induced by taking opiates. A heady mix of chemical changes occurs including increases in the levels of serotonin, oxytocin, vasopressin, and endogenous opioids (the body’s natural equivalent of heroin)…”

Well shit, call me an addict.

ABC covered the topic of Karezza last month. When comparing the orgasm to the heroin high they said it’s a great high but you must come down. Well duh. Mofo’s gotta go to work. Who wants to go to work high? I have done it before. I went to work on a sexual high. Boy if them folks knew what I did that day… Surely I would have been fired or at least reprimanded. I could not concentrate. (you know like most people when they are high). I had IM/phone sex for eight hours until I was able to go home and get the job finished. People can’t do that all the time. Some folks got stuff to do.

They surveyed the brain of women during orgasm and it was the equivalent of having an epileptic seizure. Okay so far, I’m not seeing a negative. Legal drugs(ie orgasmic sex), great feeling, great high, and a pleasure seizure. Yeah why are they reporting this like it’s a bad thing.

Let me finish Jim Pfaus quote as he talks about heroin induced lustful [orgasmic] sex

…This may serve many functions: to relax the body, induce pleasure and satiety, and perhaps induce bonding to the very features that one has just experienced with all this.

See he is pro-orgasm. I knew I wasn’t the only one.

The guy in the ABC article hasn’t had an orgasm in seven months and doesn’t want to have one again. He said he is having the best sex of his life. Well la-de-da. Good for you. I’m glad sex only got better with time and age. And he shed that nasty porn addiction. (mentioned in article listed at end of post)

If more folks would realize porn isn’t real, we would be having better sex out there and less performance anxiety. I’m not anti- porn or anything. As long as people realize it’s fiction. Just like the naughty books I read. But that is a topic for another day.

Now back to Karezza.

There is no straight and fast rule how to have sex all the time and not orgasm. There is no real book on Karezza techniques. Why you ask? Alice took from a lot of eastern sex religious practices, mainly tantra, and tweaked it to western culture and society. So it’s still about breathing and focused energy. In additions to Alice’s book on Karezza, there have been other western philosophers/practitioners to write it. Still there is no hard and fast rule or technique.

So if you want to learn to hold this orgasm and not release, ever. Then I would suggest start taking classes in tantric sex.

Contrary to what I just gripped above. People do orgasm using this technique. That was me being overly dramatic. However, for the orgasm to occur naturally, your sexual basin must slowly fill until it overflows. (Orgasm). This could take days, weeks, even months.





All joking aside (only partially joking) I do see a benefit to this. If we are not focused on getting off, cuming, orgasming, etc. then we get to enjoy the totality of the sexual experience. You know the edge of the cliff right before you fall over. What if you were always on the edge? Never falling but always climbing. That sounds HOT!

Let me give you an except of Dr. Ian Kerner’s book Passionista: The Empowered Woman’s Guide To Pleasuring A Man

He Says: “After sex is like I’m dead. I’ve been wounded in battle. I need to recover. I need to sleep and heal. I know she wants to cuddle and spoon but I got nothing left to give.”

She Says: “After sex, I’m tingly and alert. I’m relaxed and happy, but every fiber is alive. If he were up for it, I could definitely keep going. I’m still aroused, and sometimes one orgasm just isn’t enough.”

Yeah. I’m sure this is not a strange scenario to many of you reading this. It has happened before. So I’m thinking with Karezza we wouldn’t see this. Both parties would be on the same sexual playing field. Okay. Score another point for Karezza. No orgasm seems to come (all pun intended) with a lot of benefits.


If there is no coming. How do we know if we are going? Let me rephrase – If no one is orgasming, how the hell do we know when sex is over?

Sheer exhaustion?

When one or both parties pass out?

Someone stops mid thrust/mid cowgirl and says “That was fun and spiritually connecting, but I have to go to work now”?

Wait for the kids to start screaming “Mommy I’m late for school?”

Is everyone always on edge cause there is no release?


This no cuming this is getting complicated.

The term retro-jaculation came up in my research. Its basically a man ejaculating inside himself instead of outside. It’s a method of preventing male orgasm. Hmmm. Must find out more. I think there are other methods out there (God I hope so, cause that don’t sound healthy. Even if it is…eeew!) I guess there will be another posting about this topic (and probably tantra and yoga). So be on the lookout for “To Cum or Not To Cum…

Until next time…Be Free, Be Safe, Be Loved,

K.D. King

P.S. For those of you interested here is the ABC article and clip(s)

Karezza, or Lovemaking Without Orgasm, Strengthens Marriages, Say Advocates – ABC News